Parent Chronicles

The Boy Who Rebuilt Me

The Elevator Incident

It was a lazy Saturday morning — the kind that actually recharges you after a long week.

Three-year-old Jack and I had been laying and playing in bed for hours. He was toggling between his Cars CD player and his iPad, and I was catching up on Vanity Fair articles. We had snacks, took breaks to wrestle and tickle — it was a good time.

And then grief hit.

No warning, no warm-up — just bam.
It slammed into me when I realized that in all that time, I was the only one talking. My beautiful, angelic boy was still completely non-verbal.

The vibe shifted. I tried to brush it off, to compose myself, but Jack felt it instantly. He always did.

He grabbed his talking app — his way of punching in words or pictures to say what he was thinking. With a mischievous grin, he started tapping away, pausing to laugh, glancing up at me like he was writing a masterpiece. When he finished, he looked up, eyes bright, and pressed play:

“I want to poop in an elevator!”

We laughed until we couldn’t breathe.

And in that laughter, something cracked open.
He didn’t just shift the mood — he shifted me.

At three years old, barely a year after his diagnosis, I still lived in fear, panic, grief — every terror emotion you can imagine. But that moment? That absurd, perfect line? It reminded me that this journey would be hard, yes. But it would also be funny.

Hot-damn, it would be funny too.

Because Jack wasn’t just communicating — he was connecting. He was reading the room, feeling my sadness, and deciding to fix it the only way he knew how: with humor.

That’s the thing about parenting a neurodiverse child — the milestones don’t always look like what you expect. Sometimes they sound like a fart joke in an elevator. And sometimes, that’s exactly what saves you.

Ahoy F⚓ckers

It was supposed to be one of those easy summer days — warm, bright, spontaneous — so naturally, with zero preparation and absolutely no plan, I decided Jack and I were going to the beach. Westport. A quick road trip. A vibe.

Thankfully I keep sunscreen in the car, because that was the only responsible decision I made.

No towels.

No bathing suits.

No change of clothes.

Just us, vibes, and a questionable amount of confidence.

We got to the beach and Jack launches himself toward the water like he’s been training for this moment his entire life. I call out the classic parent’s last words:

“Don’t get wet!”

What does a Viking do at the ocean? He dove right in, straight into the waves, no hesitation.

I just stood there thinking, Yep. This tracks.

Because I already knew what was coming: the soggy, sandy, car‑ruining aftermath. And since I didn’t bring bungee cords, strapping him to the roof wasn’t an option. He was getting in my car exactly as he was — dripping, gritty, and thrilled with himself.

So we drove into downtown Westport in search of clothes. It’s a beach town — surely someone sells dry fabric.

I rushed into the first shop I saw, grabbed a shirt and the only pair of sweatpants available. They were a size M. I asked the woman behind the counter if they had a size L because my son is enormous now.

She laughed. “You’re buying those for your son?

I was already annoyed with myself, so her laugh hit harder than it should have. “Um… yes,” I said, paid, and left.

Jack changed. We walked the strip. He got ice cream, I got coffee, and somehow the day softened into something really sweet.

When we got home, I finally looked closely at the sweatpants I’d bought in my panic.

Printed down the leg, in bold white letters:

AHOY F⚓ckers

Of course. Of course that’s what I dressed my child in to stroll around a quaint little beach town.

Suddenly the woman’s laughter made perfect sense.