THETAYSHIAVIBE

Scottie Dog Giggles

It’s ridiculous enough that Angus insists on sitting on my lap while we are at the park. It’s next level that he laughs while doing it.

Angus is the 3 year old Scottie Dog who I bought for my Mom, who lives with me and is also 100% Scottish. He’s named after my Grandpa’s Grandpa, who was notorious throughout the Highlands of Scotland for being a bugger. His collar is the Clan McGregor plaid, which was my Mom’s maiden name. Pretty thoughtful gift, huh? A nice generational story, right?

It’s amazing how you can bring a little animal into a home with everything planned out, and they say – “um, no.” Baby Angus arrived and immediately assessed the house. He’d go to Grammy for unconditional love & affection, he’d stay away from the teenage boy because he is often grumpy, because – teenager – and me? I’d do EVERTYTHING else:

Feed
Walk
Bath
Vet appts
Trips to the groomer

And the ever present, let dog in – let dog out. I work from home so I take Angus to doggy daycare twice a week for 1/2 days so that I can actually get some work done. So on top of his breed traits of being stubborn & pushy, we now have ‘day care kid’ personality – part of the pack. I live in fear of the neighborhood Ring cameras, daily they see Angus & I out for our afternoon tussle. We don’t go for walks, we go for public power struggles. He LOVES taking me on, he laughs & laughs.

I am known wide & far as Angus’s Mom, sigh. Yes, I now ‘own it’. I am The Mom of the house, all creatures great & small.

Lipstick & Deadlines – A Memoir

The Long Way Home

When I left LA and headed north on I 5, I wasn’t running toward enlightenment. I was running toward not having to make a decision for a minute. I had severance money, a Jetta full of books, and the emotional stability of a woman who had just fled a city that tried to kill her via BMW.

So naturally, I went to Portland.

Specifically, to my great Aunt Chris’s house — the only place on earth where you could find:

a woman in her mid 80s who still looked vaguely like Rita Hayworth,
a backyard that belonged in Better Homes & Gardens,
and enough booze in the basement to qualify as a speakeasy.

I have a poster of Rita Hayworth in my media room as a tribute to Aunt Chris. It’s glamorous, dramatic, iconic – everything she was.
She always had bright red fingernail polish, the kind that could signal planes in an emergency, and she wore a diamond so large it could blind a small child.

One summer evening, someone asked her how she stayed in such good shape. She lifted her martini, waved those red nails, and said:

“I keep my booze in the basement. That way I do the stairs all day long.”

This is the kind of woman who, at 85, got mugged in a grocery store parking lot and told me — with pride — that when the guy was arrested, he only had one shoe.

I spent that summer with her. Every day at precisely 4 p.m., we met in her kitchen for Manhattan cocktails — and they were legit. Not the watered down kind. The kind that make you rethink your life choices in a pleasant way.

I spent the summer writing, wandering Portland, and trying to figure out what came next.

The Juvenile Defense Era

In the fall, Aunt Chris headed to the beach, and I landed a job with two criminal defense attorneys downtown. It was gritty, messy, and absolutely my comfort zone — I was raised in my dad’s law office, so juvenile court felt like home, just with more paperwork and fewer snacks.

No nylons. No dress code. Just crime, coffee, and court deadlines.

I loved it.
Until I didn’t.

About six months in, one of our juvenile clients stole my backpack including my wallet, my writing drafts and my antique lipstick case my grandmother gave me.

That lipstick case was the gut punch. You know how I feel about lipstick. It’s basically a religion.

I couldn’t report it — because it was our own client. Not a great look to call the cops on the kid you’re supposed to be helping. Also not a great look for the kid to rob the legal support staff, but here we were.

Then the partners lost their county contract. Practice dissolved. Job gone. Honestly? Fine. I wasn’t planning on staying forever. I was planning on staying until the universe told me to move.

And it did.

Return to Cali (Again)

My mom was building a house in Redding to be near her sister, so China Blu and I packed up — again — and headed south.

Uncertainty was starting to wear on me. I’d been bouncing around like a pinball, and I finally started thinking about where I wanted to be in five years. Preferably somewhere with fewer juvenile thieves and more stability.

I rented a room from one of my aunt’s friends and got a job with a sole practitioner doing probate, estate planning, and real estate law.

Redding was… surprisingly great. Small town. Big personalities. Probate cases that made me question humanity on a weekly basis.

One case involved a man who meticulously reorganized his entire estate, cut out his entire family, wrote them scathing letters explaining why, then walked to a lake, stood at the end of a dock, and ended his life in a way that guaranteed they wouldn’t find him for a long time.

I mean… I know family drama. But this was Shakespearean. I also got my real estate license so I could sell probate properties. My friend Jesse congratulated me by saying:

“I can’t believe you passed!”
Thanks, Jesse. Love the confidence.

I was building a life — friends, work, purpose — and feeling grounded for the first time in a long time.

And then the Post Office happened.

The Post Office Greeting

I walked into the Redding Post Office and the line was biblical. Small town. One post office. Everyone apparently mailing something that day.

I had to stay — the legal document needed a postmark — so I settled in.

A cute young man stood in front of me. He turned around. We smiled.

And I said, because I am me:
“You’re cute. What do you do.”

He blushed all the way to the top of his bald head.

Turns out he worked in my building — outreach coordinator for a statewide nonprofit advocating for foster care reform.

He asked if I wanted to volunteer. I said I’d read his packet because he was cute. He laughed. He knew exactly what was happening.

And that random Post Office moment turned into eight years of me advocating for foster care reform.

Bay Area Bound — Life Gets Serious

After a few years in Redding, the restlessness kicked in again — the kind that starts in your ribs and whispers, “Okay babe, what’s next?” My mom had sold the house she built and moved to the East Bay of San Francisco, and I’d been thinking about finally finishing my undergrad. The Bay had more opportunities, more schools, more energy — and, apparently, more chaos waiting for me.

So once again, I packed up my life.

But this time, I didn’t have China Blu.

He had passed away at 19 — my tiny, loud, dramatic Siamese who had survived LA, Portland, Redding, and every questionable decision I’d ever made. It was my first move without him. I still keep him with me always.

I landed at my mom’s condo in the East Bay and got a job at Shakers, a health product distributor. I also switched chapters with the same nonprofit and started commuting into Oakland every Thursday to continue advocating for foster care reform.

Life was getting serious. I was finally growing up. I had clung to misguided youth as long as humanly possible — like a Real Housewife clings to her Botox.

Shakers: The “Wait, What?” Era

Like the probate cases I handled in Redding, Shakers had its share of what the hell moments.

I worked as a paralegal supporting hospitality contract negotiations for worldwide events. Because of the distributor model, many of our distributors were retirees supplementing their income with vitamins, shakes, and entrepreneurial optimism.

One afternoon, someone called asking me to join a meeting with our insurance carrier.

Insurance had denied coverage for a group of eighty-year-old distributors who wanted to rent quads in Mexico.

She wanted Legal to override the decision.

I laughed.
She didn’t.
So I repeated it back to her.

“You want Legal to waive insurance requirements so a bunch of eighty-year-olds can ride ATVs in a foreign country?”

“Yes.”
“No.”

And that, in a nutshell, was Shakers.

The work was interesting. The people were mostly lovely. But for the first time, my life outside the office was becoming more important than what happened inside it.

Finding My Voice

While I was continuing to building a legal career, something much bigger was happening after work.

By day, I was being mildly amused — and occasionally horrified — by the bizarre incompetence of my in house client base. By night, I was deep into my passion: foster care reform.

Every Thursday night, I risked my life driving in and out of Oakland. At that time, Oakland was exactly as rough as its reputation — gun violence, street violence, violence violence. Those kids had not only witnessed extreme violence; they had lived it.

I found my passion.
I found my people.
I found my purpose.

Looking back, I think those kids were preparing me for motherhood long before I knew it.

I adored those kids.

I felt like they taught me more than I taught them, for instance:

My next level dance skills. I got moves.

We traveled around the state four times a year to conferences — weekend long events with about 100 current and former foster youth.

Oh, the stories.
Drama.
Laughter.
Tears.
Breakups.
Hookups.

We saw it ALL.

And nothing made me feel more alive than working alongside those kids on policies, trainings, and community outreach. I went to graduations, birthday parties, baby showers — any life event they invited me to.

It was that work — those kids — that motivated me to finally finish my undergraduate degree so I could do more, be more, and be a stronger resource.

In January, I was accepted into the University of San Francisco’s Public Administration program. I wanted to focus on nonprofit policy. USF had a satellite campus in the East Bay, close to my house. During the week, my classes were there; on Saturdays, I trekked into San Francisco — up to the main campus atop Lone Mountain.

It is breathtaking.

Now my life was REALLY busy. Full time job. Night classes. Oakland on Thursdays. Youth events on weekends.

I was running on all cylinders — building the life I wanted, the life I needed.

The Day Everything Changed

On Sunday, April 26th, I met a young woman who had grown up in foster care. She was seven months pregnant and scared.

Long story extremely short?

I agreed to adopt her baby when he was born.

And the following Friday?

I was laid off.
Because of course I was.

I wasn’t surprised. I knew the attorney I reported to was throwing me under the bus. She’d leave the office every day around 10:30 a.m. and not come back until 2 p.m. She was doing all the things stay at home moms do — except she HAD A JOB. The department manager started noticing. Started calling her on it. And she blamed me for her screw ups.

I didn’t care.

When I was pulled into the conference room with her and HR to tell me they were eliminating my position, I countered with:

“This works out perfectly. I’m having a baby in two months.”

They were shocked.
I was relieved.

The same attorney who had spent months throwing me under the bus walked me to my car and told me she couldn’t believe how brave I was. Rich, coming from a turn coat.

I just smiled.

My Chosen Child

Emily had planned to keep her baby, but as her due date approached, she became increasingly worried that her unstable circumstances would eventually land him in foster care.

By then, I had spent eight years advocating for foster care reform. My entire goal had been simple:
less kids in care.

So when she asked if I would adopt him, I didn’t agonize over the decision.

He would be one less child in care.

The accident that nearly ended my story before it began had taught me not to waste the chapters that followed. I had spent years chasing opportunities, adventures, and experiences, rarely knowing where they might lead. Looking back, that was the moment when all the roads I’d spent years traveling finally began to point in the same direction.

Over the next two months, Emily and I bonded. It was the most surreal experience of my life. We talked every day; I saw her every few days. We were planning for the baby — my Jack — to come into this world. We spent an entire day in San Francisco being tourists, sightseeing, laughing, sharing our lives. It felt out of body, like watching myself from above. I took her to all her doctor appointments, and together we drafted a parenting plan for after the birth.

California didn’t require an attorney or an agency, so I walked into the court clerk’s office and bought an “adoption packet.” I did all the legal work for my son’s adoption myself.

In the background, my mom’s friends were frantically preparing for Jack’s arrival. Jack was a community baby — everyone was invested. I had three baby showers: two thrown by my mom’s friends and one in Redding with all my dear friends. By the time Jack was born, he had a beautiful nursery and every creature comfort a baby could need.

The Bay Area was having a heatwave during the two week window when Jack was due — because of course it was. Emily had no A/C, so she was admitted to the hospital. They induced her, but Jack refused to be born for over three days. Anxiety was high, tensions were strained, and Emily and I were both in distress. Our relationship hit some bumps, as you can imagine.

After Jack was born, he had blood sugar issues and was in the NICU for three days. Which meant I sat in a chair in the NICU for three days. The staff was amazing. When I held Jack, I sobbed and told him our entire family history — my hopes, my dreams, everything I wanted to teach him and share with him. Out of nowhere, a Kleenex would appear. Every few hours, a snap and fresh water. They were watching me, caring for me. Angels.
When Emily called and wanted Jack brought to her — her right while still in the hospital — I slept in that same chair. I’d wake up covered in blankets, a pillow nearby, fresh water waiting. They cared for me as fiercely as I cared for him.

Jack was born on July 1st and released from the hospital on July 4th — the only legal day your dumb ass neighbors can lawfully let off cannons next to your house. It was a nightmare. I was exhausted, terrified of being a clueless new mom. But my baby was home — for ten days.

The Reclaim

It was a Wednesday morning at 7:30 a.m. when the state social worker — the one I was required to hire — called. With my legal background and familiarity with the foster care system, I knew one thing for certain: your life is not going well if you need an attorney or a social worker. And sure enough, Emily had changed her mind. She wanted ten day old Jack back. The State allowed her thirty days to change her mind.

The social worker told me she would buy us some time — until Friday afternoon. Time for Emily to rethink her request, given her emotional and hormonal state. And time for me to figure out what I could do, if anything.

I was spinning. Panicked. Terrified.

I called my dad. He said he’d look into any legal arguments I might have for keeping Jack, but chances seemed slim. So I did what I always do when I’m scared and determined — I went off the grid.

I dug through every piece of paperwork I had. I pulled up all the emails from Emily, the state case worker, the social worker. I storyboarded — a technique used by screenwriters and homicide detectives — everything. And I found what I needed: the bio dad’s name and address. Coincidentally, the bio dad was also named Jack. I called him Ragnar the Viking — Ragnar for short. Born in Denmark. Dual citizenship.

Nordic Compass

By that afternoon, Jack had a sitter, and my mom and I were standing on the porch of Ragnar’s grandmother’s house, pounding on the door. No one was home, and I wasn’t leaving. Within fifteen minutes, an older woman pulled into the drive, confused as to why we were standing in her yard. Immediately another car pulled up — a young man jumped out and hurried to his grandmother. He started escorting her inside while asking who we were.

I burst into tears.

Through sobs, I managed to explain who I was, what I wanted, and asked if he would help me. I shocked the hell out of him. But he remained calm and gentle. He agreed to help in any way he could, and we arranged to meet for coffee on Saturday morning.

Still grasping for straws, I called CPS. A social worker recommended that the hand off happen at a police station — neutral ground, controlled environment, fewer chances for an outburst. Arrangements were made: 3 p.m. at the Walnut Creek Police Station.

I didn’t sleep a wink the night before. Panic. Numbness. Shock. Out of body. When the time came, I met Emily and her friend with Jack. My mom was with me, the social worker was there, and Emily’s former Court Appointed Special Advocate from her foster care years showed up too. Everyone exploded — arguing, shouting — except Emily and me.

We just cried.

Through sobs, I told her his eating cycle, when he’d had his last bath, explained all of his care. A woman police officer stood between us, trying not to cry herself. Emily took Jack into the parking garage, out of my sight, changed his clothes, and brought them back to me. Then I watched the three of them walk off.

Devastated.
Traumatized.
Terrified.

When I got home, it felt like my baby had died. Bottles still in the fridge. His dirty morning diaper in the trash. The entire house smelled like his baby fresh scent. I laid down on the daybed in his nursery and made moaning sounds my body had never created before — because I had never felt that much grief. I honestly thought my body was going to stop working. Or maybe I was hoping it would, because I couldn’t imagine a future without him.

Bat Out of Hell

The phone started ringing at 7:30 p.m., and I couldn’t answer it. Emily needed to be on her own; she needed to figure it out. I couldn’t mentor her anymore — I was flatlined with grief. She didn’t leave a voicemail.

But she called again at 11:30 p.m. Same thing — I couldn’t face talking to her. Then the phone beeped: voicemail.

Tough as nails Emily — who survived foster care from age two to eighteen — was sobbing and pleading:

“Come get your baby. I’ve made a mistake. Please. Come and get your baby.”

I screamed.
Jumped up.
Bolted.

I don’t even remember if I put shoes on. I think I was in slippers. My mom came out of her room, drowsy, asking what was going on.

“We are going to pick up Jack!”

She ran down the stairs as is, both of us in pajamas. We jumped into the car, and I took off like a bat out of hell — the Devil himself couldn’t have caught me. By then it was midnight, and I was tearing through the beautiful town of Danville trying to hit I 5 north. Emily was about half an hour away. I floored the gas pedal of my crappy little Dodge Neon. The car rattled — it had never gone that fast. My mom? She had taken a sleeping pill to knock herself out because of her grief. So she was a full blown bobblehead — like she’d taken a horse sized muscle relaxer to the neck. She couldn’t hold her head up.

We finally reached Emily’s apartment building. There was only one entrance — and it was blocked by three cop cars with lights blazing. They had a guy bent over the hood of one car in handcuffs.

I jumped out, running at them, screaming:

“MOVE! I need to get in there, NOW. MOVE!”

The cops looked at me like, What the fuck? One started to move his hand toward his belt — taser? Gun? I didn’t care. Behind me, someone yelled:

“LADY! HEY, LADY!”

I spun around to see a scrawny guy with huge gauge earrings pointing across the lot.

“Go park in Jack in the Box!”
“Oh. Thanks.”

I jumped back in the car, whipped us into the parking lot, shimmied under the fence, and sprinted toward the elevators. Just as I reached the elevator bay, the doors opened — and Emily walked out, still sobbing, holding Jack.

The three of us stood there for what felt like forever — Emily and I sobbing, Jack squeezed between us.

As I carried Jack back to the car, all the policemen — and their detainee — watched me in silence. I must have been quite the sight: a sobbing woman in pajamas carrying a baby back to her car, after almost getting a cap in my ass.

Oh Shit, Ragnar…

We didn’t get home until almost 2 a.m., and I was supposed to meet Ragnar at 10 a.m. for coffee. I was completely emotionally exhausted, but Emily not wanting to let go of Jack tipped me off: I needed to close off all loose ends. I needed to face Ragnar, see his temperament, understand his true feelings, and be prepared.

Ragnar is a big Viking — born in Denmark, father still living there. He’d been in the Coast Guard and looked the part. But he was gentle and kind with me. A gentleman. I wasn’t going to speculate about what went down between him and Emily, or why I had Jack. I wasn’t looking for explanations or defenses. I just needed to make sure Jack was safe at my home.

And I am not above playing the girl card. I dressed up really feminine — cute outfit, perfect hair, and my lifelong armor: bright red lipstick. My personal war paint. I usually wear a wine tint, so if you ever see me wearing red, look around — I’m about to stir up some shit.

When I walked up, Ragnar and his friend — the weasel — were sitting outside at a table. Ragnar was nervous; the weasel was intense. I called him the weasel because he was scrawny, gaunt, and smoking cigarettes off the butt — lighting one before the other was finished.

My head was spinning, so I don’t remember the exact words exchanged, but the gist was this: Ragnar’s mom and sister wanted Jack. I already knew he was family oriented — he lived with his grandma and mom — which is why I needed to meet him in person.

He pulled something out of his pocket and handed it to me.

“Does he look like this?”

It was a picture of him at about two years old. Jack was only thirteen days old at the time, but I’ll be damned — when my Jack turned two, he looked exactly like that picture.

Jack – 2nd Birthday

Ragnar asked if I would be willing to have an open adoption, to let him and his family be part of Jack’s life. Absolutely. And I meant it. The more people who love a child, the better.

The weasel stayed quiet until Ragnar got up to get more coffee. Then he leaned toward me and said, flatly:

“I see what’s happening here. He’s going to have to step over your dead body to take that baby.”

I nodded — just as flatly.

“I’ve known this family my entire life. I’m going to tell them that that baby is exactly where he needs to be. And to leave him alone.”

When we left, it was an awkward be in touch vibe. I immediately called my dad, who told me never to speak to Ragnar directly again — everything needed to be in writing going forward.

The Final Sprint

The agony of that weekend carried straight into Monday. Emily, the social worker, and I met at the same Jack in the Box where I had parked my car a few days earlier — this time for her to sign the paperwork relinquishing Jack into my care so I could become his legal guardian. It was emotional for both of us. I had grown to love Emily; she was still healing from giving birth, and I was deeply concerned about her wellbeing. But I had to put Jack’s wellbeing above all else.

As I drove away, it hit me like a ton of bricks — it was Emily’s 21st birthday. The magnitude of what she had just done, on the day of her birth, was overwhelming.

I turned off the radio. Drove home in silence. Tears streaming down my face.

Thankfully, things went quiet for the next few months. I increased my school loans so I wouldn’t have to worry about working. My focus was school and baby Jack. He was thriving — the prettiest baby I had ever seen.

Then December rolled around, and I received a text from Emily: Ragnar was back from Denmark, and he had a new girlfriend. They wanted to play house and take Jack.

Shit.

Emily told him she had already relinquished, that I was Jack’s legal guardian, and that she would fight with me against him. She told him to leave us alone. I tipped off the state case worker that Ragnar was back in the country and making noise about wanting Jack. Within a few days — maybe a week — I heard from the case worker on a Friday. She had reached Ragnar, and he agreed to come in that following Monday to talk with her. I was on pins and needles all weekend. I had no idea what he was planning. I was bracing for impact.

Late Monday afternoon, the case worker called. I held my breath.

She said Ragnar came into the office with a long list of detailed questions. She said he appeared to have agonized over the decision, but ultimately concluded that Jack was best staying with me. He signed the required paperwork.

My nightmare was almost over.

My Christmas present that year — and every year until I die — was this truth:

My baby was loved.

Nobody walked away easily. Not Emily. Not Ragnar. Not Ragnar’s mom, sister, or grandma. Not me. Not my family. Everyone showed up for my baby. He was wanted. He was loved. And he was fought for — because he mattered. In the end, everyone did right by him. Everyone put him first. I never viewed it as I won. Only that:

I am his mother. Period.

California Wrap‑Up

In 2010, the State of California employees were undergoing furloughs — because of course they were. My life loves to torture me. My case worker was suddenly part time, stretching out every ounce of drama in Jack’s adoption. Nothing like having your baby learn to walk, fall down, bonk his head — and worry about bruises because you only have guardianship. Even when things were “quiet,” I was anxious. Why wouldn’t I be? Whoever said “Nothing worth having comes easy” can fuck off.

From January until September, my life was schoolwork and state home visits. Yep — I was literally being graded and judged. Unemployed. Single. Not exactly the backdrop you’d choose for adopting a child. But my case worker was wonderful. She saw my potential, saw my ferocity, and knew I’d step over her dead body if she tried to take him from me.

Finally, the big deal — Adoption Day: September 26, 2010.

Mom, Jack, and I headed to the courthouse. No attorney. Just me, acting on my own behalf. By that time, I didn’t need backup — I was ready. The judge and bailiff were warm and kind; they told me adoption day was their favorite day on the court calendar. They handed Jack a little stuffed animal, which still lives in my dresser drawer for protection.

I walked out of that courtroom carrying Jack McGregor Farra.

While we were at the hearing, my mom’s friends were setting up a beautiful party on the patio of our condo. It was lovely. The guy I was dating — a San Francisco trust fund kid — brought expensive champagne to celebrate.

But I still couldn’t relax. My body had been tense for so long it didn’t recognize safety. Not until the next morning. I woke up, opened my eyes — and it felt like my body combusted. I sobbed so hard I almost threw up. The relief was overwhelming — physical, emotional. I didn’t know how to feel “normal.”

The next big date was December 19 — graduation day. I had three months to finish all my assignments and my Capstone project, every last undergraduate requirement. It’s still hard to believe I kept up with school during that insane time. Tell me I can’t do something? Hold my beer and watch me.

Graduation night was the wettest in San Francisco history — or if it wasn’t, it should have been. Torrential rain. Thrashing wind. My mom’s good friend Judy drove us into the city to watch me walk and help with Jack. He was in a stroller in monsoon conditions as we approached the Cathedral. My arms were full of my gown and everything else, and Mom and Judy lifted Jack’s stroller up the stairs. Judy lost her cool and started cussing at the surrounding men:

“Are there not any gentlemen left in this fucking world? Can anyone step up and help us?”

That’s how my undergrad graduation started — because of course it would. The ceremony itself was beautiful. Six days before Christmas. Magical. Emotional. I was proud of myself.

Three weeks later, we packed up like the band of gypsies we are and moved back home to Washington State.

Little did I know that the hardest and most important chapter of our story was about to begin.

The Echo

The fireworks ended hours earlier, but the real spark came at 1:30 a.m.

 

A teenage girl wrote to tell me who my son is in the world — a light, a ritual, a joy, a better‑person catalyst.

 

I’ve spent years telling Jack’s story from my vantage point.

At 1:30 on Sunday morning, I got to hear it from someone else’s.

 

Her text profoundly impacted me, for several reasons There is something life‑altering about seeing your child reflected back through the eyes of someone who loves him for exactly who he is.

 

Below is her text:

 

Hello Ms. Farra! This is __________, one of Jack’s friends from the firework show. I just wanted to tell you how much of a light Jack is in my life. Jack and I shared leadership class our freshman year where his consistent hello brightened my day, every day. Then, both this year and last, I have had lunch with Jack. Jack used to yell at me across the lunch room any time that he saw me. Because of this, we started our daily routine where he says hi to me when I get in the lunchroom, I walk over to his table after grabbing my lunch and have a conversation with him, then after lunch he waits for my friend group outside of the area we eat and he says hi to each person. Any time he is not there, we all ask where Jack is today. This year I had the opportunity to hangout with him at the day of champions as well, where I got to see his pure joy at everything. I say all of this to show how Jack has impacted my life. Jack is the sweetest soul i have ever met, being a large topic of conversation between me and my mother after sports every day. Mom started asking how my conversation with jack went each day because i would always come home and tell her about how I want to be like jack. Seeing so much good in people, his creativity and genuine care for others is a breath of fresh air. Thank you so much for being an amazing parent to Jack, making him the kind person he is. I believe all mothers deserve more acknowledgement than they are given, especially you. I understand that being the parent of a life skills student may come with it’s adversities, and i want to acknowledge the amazing job you are doing. Raising a child comes with no “how to” book, but if there were, i would hope that you wrote it. You are raising the person who made me want to be a better person, so I Thank you. If I get any more information about other kids in the rise program, I will make sure to send it over to you.

 

***In my text back to her I said, “Please tell YOUR Mom that I appreciate her raising such an empathic, kind, decent – beautiful young woman!”

 

I can sleep better at night now knowing that Jack has peers/friends like this in his life….

 

Love & Light

Ceases to Amaze

Nine years ago last night I sprinted down the middle of a main street in Kirkland at 11:30 at night, barefoot. I was headed toward the bombs that some jerk was lighting off, illegal fireworks, that were traumatizing Jack.

 

He was terrified.

 

Inconsolable.

 

So was that guy by the time I got done with him….

 

Jack remained deeply anxious about the 4th thru last year. So I was shocked when he told me that he wanted to go to the public fireworks show last night.

 

When the fireworks started, he was thrilled. He videotaped the whole show.

 

While he videotaped,

 

I photographed him.

 

With tears in my eyes, I thought about how far we’d come from that night in Kirkland – even from last year…..

 

Jack’s bravery never ceases to amaze me…..

Lipstick & Deadlines – A Memoir

Beyond the Hollywood Sign

Confession

I should start with a confession.

When I left you at the end of Episode 2, I was moving to LA after making a quick decision. I might have looked impulsive. Reckless. I wasn’t.

The truth is, I’d been preparing for that move since I was nine years old.

I wasn’t the kid scribbling stories in a diary. I was the kid glued to the TV, watching every kind of movie I could get my hands on — old films, foreign films, black and white films, films with subtitles, films no one else my age cared about. Sunday afternoons were my church: me, the couch, and whatever classic was playing.

Somewhere in those hours, I realized something that changed everything: Stories don’t start with lights and cameras. They start with a writer.

That realization lodged itself under my skin and never left.

By the time I graduated high school, I wanted one thing: film school. I wanted to write movies. Stories bigger than myself. My parents wanted me to have something else: rent money and health insurance.

They weren’t wrong. They were practical. They were raising a daughter in the real world, not the one I kept disappearing into through movies, scene notes, and the way I chronicled life through pictures — framing moments like shots, storing memories like stills from a film I hadn’t written yet.

So I did the responsible thing — the thing that would eventually save me more times than I can count. I got my paralegal certificate. I landed a job at The Firm. And then, quietly, stubbornly, I enrolled at the Seattle Film Institute at night.

That’s the part I didn’t tell you.

The part that makes everything else make sense.

I wasn’t drifting.
I wasn’t lost.
I wasn’t running away from anything.
I was running toward something.

Years of studying screenwriting.
Years of indie filmmaking in Seattle.
Years of believing — quietly — that I was meant for something bigger.

When I went to the Hollywood Film Festival, it wasn’t to escape the IPO mania. It was because I loved film — the craft, the history, the magic of it.

And on the last morning of the festival, while sipping champagne with breakfast and looking out my suite window at the Hollywood sign glowing in the early light, I said out loud:

“I’m moving down here.”

It wasn’t a dream.
It wasn’t a fantasy.
It was a decision.

And that is where this chapter really begins.

Origins of Space-Sha

Before we go any further, I should explain something that makes the rest of this chapter make sense.

My nickname in high school was Space‑sha.

Not because I was dreamy or cosmic. Because I was a stoner — a functional stoner. Straight A’s. Honor roll. Newspaper staff. Responsible, reliable, and very high.

I didn’t give myself the nickname.
My classmates did.

And the way my parents found out still makes me laugh.

End of sophomore year, I brought home my yearbook — glossy pages, Sharpie signatures, the usual “HAGS!” chaos. My mom was flipping through it, proud of the little ad they’d bought, when she suddenly stopped.
She squinted.
Tilted the book.
Tilted it again.

Then, in that confused but trying to stay calm mom voice, she said: “Why is everyone writing Hey SPACE SHA?”

Before I could answer, my dad lowered his newspaper like a judge delivering a verdict. He didn’t look surprised — just resigned. And with that dry, disapproving, slightly amused tone, he said:

“I know why.”

That was it.
No lecture.
No grounding.
Just a criminal defense attorney realizing one of his clients lived in his house.

The nickname stuck. And honestly? It fit. Because even then — long before LA, long before the chaos — I was already living slightly above the ground. Not detached. Just tuned to a different frequency.

Spacesha wasn’t about being spaced out. It was about living a half step ahead of reality — already inside the story before it happened.

And that’s the girl who eventually moved to Los Angeles.

 

Spacesha Moves to LA


I didn’t drive to Los Angeles.
Of course I didn’t.

I flew — with a Siamese cat who had the lung capacity of a foghorn and the temperament of a disgruntled lounge singer.

China was talkative on a normal day.

Give him anti anxiety meds?
He got worse. He got drunk.

So there I was, boarding a flight to LAX with a chemically altered Siamese sounding like he’d just been cut off at a piano bar.

Every few minutes he’d let out this long, slurred, vowel heavy wail — the kind that made passengers look around like someone had smuggled a grown man onto the plane and forced him to ride coach.

I kept whispering, “China, please,” like I was negotiating with a belligerent uncle at Thanksgiving.

It wasn’t glamorous.

It wasn’t curated.

It wasn’t the LA arrival I had imagined.

And it was only the beginning.

Because while I was in the air with my drunk cat, Two Men and a Truck — the movers I’d hired to bring my entire life down from Seattle — had apparently decided to take the scenic route.

They were supposed to arrive in two days.

They arrived in nine.

Which meant my first week in Los Angeles was spent:

sleeping on the floor

eating takeout off a cardboard box
and spiraling about the fact that I had taped an ounce of weed inside my desk drawer before the movers left Seattle.

An ounce.

Not a cute little baggie.
Not a “just in case.”

A felony amount, taped inside a drawer like I was running a cartel out of Capitol Hill.

This was before weed was legal.

Before dispensaries.

Before “edibles” meant anything other than brownies made by someone’s cousin.

I bought that much because I didn’t know anyone in LA — well, except Mara, and she did all kinds of drugs, but didn’t smoke weed, which somehow made it worse.

So while my movers were off grid, I spent seven days in West Hollywood convinced they were either:

1. smoking my entire ounce,

2. selling it,

3. or being pulled over by highway patrol, who would open the desk drawer, find my taped stash, and come knocking on my door like:

“Ma’am, are you aware you’ve been running narcotics across state lines with Two Men and a Truck?”

And the worst part?

The part that still makes me laugh until I cry?

Imagining the phone call to my dad.

My dad — the criminal defense attorney.

The man who bailed out half of Grays Harbor County.

The man who took collect calls from jail at 2AM while making popcorn.

He wouldn’t have been mad about the weed.

He would’ve been mad about the sloppiness.

I can hear him now:

“Jesus Christ, Tayshia. If you’re going to transport contraband across state lines, at least don’t leave it taped in a goddamn desk like a Girl Scout.”

He’d be pacing, hand on his forehead, muttering:

“An ounce? An OUNCE? With movers? Who are these people? Did you get their names? Did you sign anything? Did you check the bill of lading? Christ almighty…”

Meanwhile I’d be sitting on the floor of my empty apartment like:

“Dad, I didn’t know anyone down here! I needed a supply!”

It was chaos.
Ridiculous.
Hysterical.

It was exactly how my LA era was meant to begin.

Not polished.
Not curated.
Not influencer ready.

Just me, a drunk Siamese, a missing moving truck, and a felony amount of weed taped inside a desk drawer.

Spacesha had arrived.

Jessica, the BMW That Tried to Kill Me

Once my furniture finally arrived — weed intact, miraculously — I did what any newly liberated, newly cashed out, newly transplanted young woman would do after an IPO windfall.

I bought a car.

Not a sensible car.

Not a reliable car.

No.


I bought Jessica — a darling white BMW convertible with tan leather seats and the personality of a beautiful sociopath.

She was Glamorous.
Everything I thought my new LA life should look like.

And she tried to kill me every chance she got.

Jessica broke down on the 405.
She overheated on Sunset.

 

But God, she was pretty.
And for that first summer in Los Angeles, that was enough.

Because I wasn’t working.
I wasn’t building a brand.
I was living my LA dream.

I spent my days at Santa Monica and Venice Beach — reading scripts, people watching, letting the sun bake off the Seattle gray. I’d drive Jessica up coast with the top down, music blasting, hair wild – like the opening shot of a movie I hadn’t written yet.

It was freedom.
Reckless.
Delicious.

And it lasted exactly as long as my money did.

Because eventually — sometime around early fall — I looked at my bank account and realized that the IPO glow had worn off, the cash cushion was thinning, and Jessica’s repair bills were starting to look like ransom notes.

It was time to get a J-O-B. And that’s when the LA fantasy ended — and the LA reality began.

The Responsible Era (Sort Of)

I landed the job at Oakmont Investments — nylons, heels, thick carpet, institutional money — I knew two things for sure:

I had stepped right back into a version of law that felt polished, rigid, and quietly numbing.

And, Jessica had to go too.

As glamorous as she was, my darling white BMW convertible had tried to kill me every chance she got. She was beautiful, but she was chaos. And chaos was expensive.

So I did the adult thing. The responsible thing. The thing that signaled, at least on the surface, that I was re entering normal society.

I traded Jessica in and bought a brand new VW Jetta.

A sensible car.
A reliable car.
A car that said, “I have a job with benefits and I show up on time.”

It was the end of the LA fantasy era — the beaches, the convertible, the sun bleached days where time didn’t matter and responsibility felt like something other people had to worry about.

The Jetta was my return to earth. But here’s the part no one saw:

While I was putting on nylons and managing institutional investments by day, I was also doing the thing I had moved to Los Angeles to do in the first place.

I enrolled in graduate level screenwriting classes at UCLA.
Night classes.
Long nights.
Stacks of scripts.
Workshops where everyone was hungry and half delusional and convinced they were sitting on the next great American screenplay.

And for the first time since arriving in LA, I felt aligned.

The Jetta got me to work.
UCLA got me to myself.

During the day, I was a paralegal in a marble floored office, navigating portfolios and investment structures and very serious men in very serious suits.

At night, I was exactly who I had always been — the girl who watched old movies like scripture, the girl who believed stories were sacred, the girl who whispered “I’m moving down here” to the Hollywood sign and meant it.

It looked like responsibility. It was actually commitment. I wasn’t abandoning the dream. I was building the foundation for it. And for a moment — a brief, shimmering moment — it felt like everything was finally lining up.

I Spy a Celebrity

My girlfriends had a game we played — I Spy a Celebrity. They were pros. They could spot someone famous from fifty yards away, sunglasses on, at night, in a crowd, while drunk.

Me?
I was hopeless.
I never recognized anyone.
Ever.

People always looked “familiar” to me, but out of context? Forget it. My brain refused to connect the dots.

One Friday night, around 11:30 p.m., we’d been bar hopping up and down The Strip and ended up at this tiny Chinese restaurant that was absolutely hoppin’ — packed, loud, chaotic, tables practically stacked on top of each other. The kind of place where you could smell the food, the perfume, and the nightlife all at once.

We squeezed into a tiny table, practically elbow to elbow with the people next to us.

And that’s when I saw him. The guy sitting two feet away from me looked so familiar. I stared. He noticed. He smiled — that polite, “yes, you know me from somewhere” smile famous people give when they’re used to being recognized.

What he didn’t know was that I was a weirdo.

I leaned in — way too close — and said:

“You look familiar… did I go to high school with you?”

He laughed. A real laugh.

Warm. Sweet. Surprised.

“No,” he said, still smiling. “I don’t think so. My name is Eddie. Eddie Van Halen.”

Yes, THE Eddie Van Halen. Who, was like 15 years older than me. So no, I did not go to high school with Eddie Van Halen.

Speechless

It was a Saturday afternoon in West Hollywood, the kind of day when the sun hits the pavement just right and the whole city feels like it’s humming. I’d lost track of time at the gym — typical — and suddenly realized I was hosting Happy Hour in a few hours. Happy Hour at my place was always an event. My apartment sat one block off Sunset, tucked behind the House of Blues, and my friends and I would start there before heading up onto The Strip. Normally I shopped at Rock & Roll Ralph’s on Sunset — because that’s where all the famous people bought their groceries. We called it ‘Rock & Roll’ Ralph’s because sometimes we’d go at 2 A.M. just to people watch because that was a typical time for spotting ‘rock stars’ grocery shopping.

But I was running late.

So, I swung into the smaller grocery store on Santa Monica Blvd instead. The parking lot was full. My fatal flaw — no patience — kicked in immediately.

Tick tock. Tick tock.

Finally a spotted an open parking spot. I zipped in, cutting off a pretty boy in a convertible. He flipped me off. I didn’t care.

Inside, the store was packed. I grabbed a cart and went into mission mode: wine, chocolate, cheeses, crackers, meats, nuts, fruit. Calls from my girlfriends started rolling in — all wanting to know what I was wearing that night — but fashion had to wait.

I realized I’d forgotten the crackers and headed toward the back, weaving through slow moving shoppers. Aisle 14A. Crackers.

Finally.

I pulled up next to a very old, sweet looking woman. I smiled. She smiled. All was nice, nice.

As I scanned the shelves, I felt her watching me. Not in a creepy way — in a warm, curious way. I looked up. Her eyes were extraordinary: soulful, intelligent, worldly, with a flicker of mischief. She held onto her cart for balance, her posture delicate but dignified.

And then I saw it.
On her arm.
A faded tattoo.
Numbers.
I gasped.

My hand flew to my mouth. My eyes widened with shock and heartbreak. She saw my reaction and instinctively covered it with her other hand, as if she could hide it or erase it from our moment.

My eyes filled with tears. She noticed. She stepped closer. Then, with a quiet bravery that made my chest ache, she lifted her arm again and let me look. The numbers were blurred with time, almost illegible — but unmistakable.

Her number.
Her history.
Her survival.

We stood there in the middle of a crowded, noisy grocery store — carts clattering, babies crying, people talking — and everything around us went silent.

Tears rolled down my cheeks.
Her eyes welled.

She reached up and touched my face, her hand soft and trembling. It lasted seconds. It felt like a lifetime. Then she smiled — warm, knowing, gentle — and slowly walked away.

I watched her until she turned the corner and disappeared.

The noise of the store rushed back in all at once, but I felt numb. I’d read the books. Watched the documentaries. But this was the first time it had a face.

Happy Hour lost its appeal. I went home. My friends came over. I didn’t tell them. Not yet. I wanted to hold the moment close, to honor it. That night, I stayed in.

No Strip.
No bars.
No music drifting through my windows.

Just me, my thoughts, and the weight of a stranger’s story written on her skin. I will never hear, watch, or read anything about the Holocaust without thinking of that beautiful woman and the brief, powerful moment we shared that left me—

Speechless.

THE IM INCIDENT

It was a Friday — of course it was a Friday — and my Queen Anne roommate, Lisa, was flying down from Seattle for the weekend. I was supposed to leave early to pick her up at LAX. Easy. Simple. A normal human request. Except nothing was simple when it came to Brad.

Brad, the in house general counsel.
Brad, the bully.
Brad, who made all of us sit up straight like terrified schoolchildren the second he walked into the room.

So I did what any overworked, under appreciated paralegal would do: I IM’d my coworker to vent. I typed:

“I need to leave early to pick up my friend LAX. But Brad is such a JERK he probably won’t let me.”

And then — with the confidence of a woman who had no idea she was about to ruin her own life — I hit send.

Except I didn’t send it to my coworker.
I sent it directly to Brad.

The moment I realized what I’d done, my soul left my body. I stared at the screen like it might apologize. Or rewind time. Or burst into flames.

Instead, the typing dots appeared.
Brad: “Tayshia? Can you come in here.”

No exclamation point.
No question mark.
Just a period.
The punctuation equivalent of a guillotine.

I stood up, smoothed my skirt, and walked to his office like I was heading toward the electric chair.

He was sitting behind his desk, holding his coffee mug, smirking.

“You’re right,” he said. “I am a jerk. Go. Pick up your friend.”

He laughed.
I laughed.

We pretended it was fine.

And then — a few months later — I was laid off.

Not because of the IM.
Not officially.

But let’s be honest: the writing was on the wall second I hit send. And the truth?

I wanted out long before that moment.

I already knew I could do the job. I just didn’t want to be who I had to be to stay.

It wasn’t the first time I’d walked away from a life I wasn’t meant to keep. The childhood accident taught me that — how quickly everything can change, how necessary it is to choose yourself.

The job wasn’t feeding me.
LA wasn’t feeding me.
Only one thing was – UCLA.

So maybe I didn’t sabotage my life.

Maybe I just finally told the truth.

The Exit

I gave Vivian all of my furniture.

The couch, the bed, the dishes, the lamps — all of it stayed behind…

I packed up China and all my books — the only things that had ever truly felt like mine — and then I packed that Jetta like an Amazon logistics manager with a quota. Zero wasted space. Every inch filled. Books in the footwells, clothes rolled into tight cylinders, boxes stacked with Tetris level precision. If there had been a packing Olympics, I would’ve medaled.

And when I finally walked out of that apartment — the one behind the House of Blues, the one where I’d lived loud and messy and hopeful. I felt relief.

Pure, unfiltered relief.

I didn’t even make it out of West Hollywood before I did the next thing I needed to do.

I stopped at a tattoo parlor on the Sunset Strip.
The artist asked what I wanted. I said, “A butterfly.”
He asked why.
I said, “Freedom.”
He didn’t ask another question.

The needle buzzed, the ink sank into my skin, and I watched a new version of myself take shape — a version that wasn’t trying to keep up with LA, or impress LA, or survive LA. A version that was finally ready to leave.

Tattoo bandaged, car packed, cat secured, I pulled onto the freeway.

And then I did the most symbolic thing a woman can do when she’s done with a chapter of her life:

I hit I 5.
Northbound.

No looking back.
No second guessing.
No dramatic montage.

Just a woman, a cat, a Jetta, a butterfly tattoo, and the open road.

Flashback

It doesn’t happen as often anymore, but when it does, it hits me like a flashback — sudden, sharp, and powerful. One second I’m standing in the foyer waiting for Jack to come downstairs for our nightly drive, and the next I’m pulled straight back to when he was five.

Non verbal.

Frustrated.

Hurting himself because he had no other way to communicate the storm inside him.

Not fully potty trained.

Unable to do any self care.

And me — already preparing myself to be his caregiver forever.

Ready to do it.

Ready to be whatever he needed.

But, I was scared.

Then the present snapped back into focus.

I heard his bedroom door click shut.

The lights flip off.

His footsteps on the stairs — that teenage saunter that says, “I’m here, but I’m not rushing.”

And then he appeared.

Freshly showered.

Smelling like the Old Spice Swagger set I bought him for Christmas.

Hair brushed.

Clothes chosen on his own.

A young man who has fought for every skill, every milestone, every inch of independence.

I must’ve had a weird look on my face — because he leaned in close and whispered:

“Ready?”

But it wasn’t really “ready?”

It was, “Are you okay?”

And all I could muster up to say was:

“I’m ready. I’ll always be ready.”

Because I am.

For him.

For the journey.

For the moments that remind me how far we’ve traveled from that frustrated little boy and that scared mom who didn’t know what the future would look like.

He is strong & brave.

And I am strong & brave, because of him.

Some nights, the victories are loud.

Tonight, it was just a quiet foyer, a teenage boy who smells like Swagger, and a mother who realized — again — that miracles don’t always arrive in big moments.

Sometimes they walk down the stairs.

#Neurodiversity

Life in the Emerald City



Before Capitol Hill, I’d been living in another apartment — until China Blu got us kicked out. Well, he actually didn’t get us kicked out — he got us escorted out, which is somehow worse.

He was a lover, not a fighter, but he had opinions about the other cats in the building. And when China had opinions, he expressed them the way male Siamese cats do:

by fighting and then peeing on his enemies’ doors like he was tagging gang territory.

Management didn’t appreciate his artistic expression.

So we were asked to leave.

Which is how I ended up in the 1930s Capitol Hill building — me and China Blu, starting over together.

Capitol Hill was already part of my family mythology. I grew up hearing stories about the De Luxe — the bar my parents went to on “date night” when they didn’t have enough money for both a babysitter and dinner. My dad would hustle a pool game to pay for dinner — he’d put himself through law school playing pool, so it was a sure bet. That was the Seattle I was raised on: grit, charm, and the belief that a good hustle could buy you a night out. So moving up to Capitol Hill never felt foreign. It felt like stepping into a neighborhood I’d been trained for.

Capitol Hill was its own ecosystem back then — a place where the creatives, the misfits, the glam kids, and the people who believed deodorant was optional all coexisted.

My studio apartment was in a 1930s building with creaky floors, thin walls, and was only 500 square feet. But it was mine — my first place alone, my first skyline, my first sense of self outside the duplex era.

Capitol Hill was gritty, loud, and alive in a way that felt like oxygen.

It was the first time I felt like I was living in a city instead of orbiting one.

And the building itself?

It was a character — a gorgeous, crumbling 1930s relic that had clearly lived a life before any of us ever walked through its doors.

The halls always smelled like weed.

Not occasionally.

Not on weekends.

Always.

It was the unofficial scent of the building — a mix of skunk, incense, and old plaster that somehow felt comforting.

The stairwell was wide and open, three flights of polished wood and echoing footsteps. Along the walls were mounted, rounded chrome ashtrays — the kind you’d see in old Art Deco theaters or train stations. They looked like chrome fans, curved and elegant, relics from a time when people smoked indoors and nobody cared.

Sometimes I’d walk those stairs and wonder who built this place.

A Seattle timber baron?

A wealthy family with a view of the Sound?

A private residence turned boarding house turned apartment building?

Whatever it had been, it must have been stunning in its prime.

By the time I lived there, it was a beautiful, feral ecosystem of characters.

Across the hall lived an escort who worked nights and slept days.

Downstairs was Chet, the property manager — a man who liked me a little too much and expressed it in the most Capitol Hill way possible: unsolicited home improvement.

But before we get to Chet’s crimes, here’s the part that still makes me laugh:

For all the chaos in that building — the weed‑scented hallways, the escort across the hall, the filmmakers dragging my furniture into the hallway — my apartment was beautiful.

It was my first own place.

No roommate.

No boyfriend.

Just me.

And my mom — who could design a house from dirt and make it look like a magazine spread — insisted on furnishing it for me.

She bought me a matching cream leather loveseat and an overstuffed leather chair.

She gave me a big couch that pulled out into a bed.

For a young woman just starting out, my apartment looked like I had my life together.

Just ask Chet.

And while my apartment looked like a young professional’s dream, the rest of my life was pure twenty‑something chaos.

I dragged my poor father to every video store in Seattle so he could pay my late fees.

Every. Single. One.

He’d walk in behind me, wallet already out, muttering,

“I’m sensing a setup,”

while I pretended to be shocked — shocked — that I owed money again.

This was the same man who would later threaten to put a hit out on Chet for touching my Vanity Fair.

He adored me.

And he knew exactly who I was.

One day Chet offered to “fix a few things” in my apartment.

I thought he meant tightening a hinge or replacing a lightbulb.

Chet meant a full renovation.

He laid parquet flooring in the main room.

He white‑tiled the kitchen floor.

He blue‑tiled the countertops and backsplash.

He even installed glass doors on my cupboards.

My studio went from “quirky 1930s rental” to “Capitol Hill showpiece,” and I didn’t pay a dime.

Which, of course, is why he kept letting himself in during the day.

How did I know?

Because he’d move my magazines around.

And here’s the part that still makes my blood pressure spike:

Chet didn’t just sit on my leather loveseat eating whatever he brought from the gas station.

He touched my magazines. I’d had subscriptions to Vanity Fair and Vogue since I was a teenager.

I coveted them.

I saved them.

I stacked them like art books.

They were my early education in culture, fashion, storytelling, and the world beyond Seattle.

And that fucker Chet — laying on my couch, crumbs on his shirt, drink on my coaster — was flipping through them like they were junk mail.

My dad was ready to put a hit out on him.

Eventually, Chet got fired — because lord only knows what else he was doing in that building.

And that’s when the filmmakers moved in as the new property managers.

They were young, broke, wildly ambitious, and exactly the kind of people who would look at my apartment and say, “This would be perfect for a scene.”

And I was exactly the kind of person who said yes.

More than once, they moved every piece of furniture I owned — including China Blu — into the hallway so they could shoot in my unit. I’d come home to find my life lined up against the wall like a yard sale, and a camera crew inside capturing the view of the Space Needle.

It was chaotic.

It was unhinged.

It was creative.

And it was perfect.

THE DOT‑COM YEARS — THE CATALYST

After years of nylons, navy suits, and the unspoken dress‑code politics of law, tech felt like oxygen. No stockings. No heels. No silent rules about “professional polish.” Just the work, the adrenaline, and the sense that no one cared what you wore as long as you could keep the whole machine from catching fire.

Seattle was vibrating in those years — the tech boom, the IPO frenzy, the grunge scene still echoing through every bar in Pioneer Square. It felt like the whole city was plugged into a live wire, and somehow, I ended up right in the middle of it.

MerchantsCafé where Seattles nights hummed with ambition and questionable decisions. Merchants Café wasn’t just a bar — it was a mood, a backdrop, a character in my twenties. The neon, the brick, the slightly‑sticky floors, the way the night air in Pioneer Square always smelled like rain and cigarettes and possibility.

After years in law — trial prep, litigation war rooms, the whole thing — I pivoted into tech just as the city was exploding. I interviewed with the CEO of a startup in a Pioneer Square coffee shop, and he hired me on the spot. It was a hybrid legal/Executive Admin role, perfect for someone who could read a contract, manage a board meeting, and keep a dozen executives from setting themselves on fire.

The energy was electric. It felt like stepping into the future.

And then came the IPO.

I became the Executive Admin taking a company through the early stages of going public — the girl with a legal background who somehow became the glue holding the entire operation together. I wasn’t supposed to be the one holding the threads, but there I was: coordinating filings, wrangling executives, managing board calls, and keeping the whole machine from flying apart.

My partner in crime during that time was Kimberly.

Kimberly was the in‑house attorney. Together, we were the unofficial command center of the company — the two women everyone relied on but no one fully understood.

By day, we kept the IPO from collapsing under its own weight. By night, we were wild.

We’d stumble out of the office after a long, grueling day, adrenaline still buzzing, and head straight into the Seattle scene — the bars, the music, the chaos. We were young, exhausted, overworked, and absolutely determined to squeeze every drop of life out of the hours we weren’t chained to our desks.

And somewhere in the middle of all that pressure and possibility, I cashed out some stock — not because the IPO was done, but because I needed a break from the grind. A breath. A reset. A moment to figure out who I was becoming in a city that was reinventing itself every five minutes.

And that’s when everything changed.

THE HOLLYWOOD MOMENT

I booked myself a long weekend at the Hollywood Film Festival — a treat, a splurge, a moment of breathing room. I stayed at The Hollywood Roosevelt. My suite faced the Hollywood sign. It felt decadent, cinematic, like stepping into the life I’d been orbiting for years.

On my first night in town, I was waiting in the lobby for Mara. She had moved back home to LA, and it had been a few years since I’d seen her. And Mara was still — Mara. Late. Always late.

I didn’t mind. It gave me time to linger in the lobby of the glorious The Hollywood Roosevelt (originally named Hotel Roosevelt) and study all of her magnificent, timeworn beauty. She was a pretty old girl — built in 1926, opened in May of 1927 — and she wore her age like a story.

My stay was before the big glam makeover, but honestly, I preferred her just the way she was:

A little worn

A little haunted

A little glamorous in a dusty‑mirror way

Still carrying the bones of her 1920s glory

This was the Roosevelt of whispered stories, not curated experiences. The lobby glowed dim and amber… the edges softer, the carpets older, the energy more ghost of Hollywood past than Hollywood power brunch. I soaked it all in, fixated on the vibe of that moment in time.

As a kid, I devoured classic Hollywood movies.

As an adult, I collected oversized coffee‑table books filled with portraits of the stars of the 1920s and ’30s. I loved the glam, the art deco architecture, the drama of it all. The Roosevelt lobby felt like stepping into one of those books — the carved beams overhead, the wrought‑iron chandeliers dripping warm light, the circular velvet settees arranged like little stages for passing characters.

And beneath all of that beauty, I felt something else — the haunted hum the hotel had long been rumored to carry. A strange gift from my childhood accident is a sixth sense — a quiet knowing, a sensitivity to the unseen. I’ve had too many random, unexplainable encounters to dismiss it. And in this place? I felt it deep in my bones.

Sure enough, Mara finally came rushing in — out of breath, full of stories and laughter. We slid onto bar stools and immediately picked up where our friendship had left off in Seattle.

On my last morning, I ordered room service: breakfast and champagne. I stood at the window, watching the Hollywood sign glow in the early light, and I said out loud:

“I’m moving down here.”

It wasn’t a dream.

It wasn’t a fantasy.

It was a decision.

    VIVIAN — THE CO‑CONSPIRATOR

Back in Seattle, Vivian asked how the weekend went.

Vivian wasn’t just a friend — she was my counterpart.

While I was the Executive Admin and legal right hand inside the Seattle tech company, she was the Executive Admin for the venture capital firm in New York that funded us.

We were the two women on opposite coasts keeping the entire IPO machine running — scheduling board calls, coordinating filings, managing executives, and translating chaos into order. We talked every day, sometimes for hours, because our jobs were intertwined. We became fast friends long before we ever met in person.

When I told her I’d stood in front of the Hollywood sign and said, “I’m moving down here,” she didn’t hesitate.

She said she wanted to move back to California, she’d grown up in San Francisco.

And just like that, we decided to be roommates.

We booked a trip to LA to find an apartment.

She put her belongings on a moving truck in New York and flew west.

I flew down from Seattle.

We met at LAX — she was holding a sign with my name on it because we had never met in person. By Sunday, we had rented an apartment in West Hollywood.

Vivian moved in immediately.

I flew back to Seattle, packed up my life and China Blu, and headed south.

We ended up living right behind the House of Blues off the Sunset Strip — the perfect backdrop for the next chapter of my life.

END OF EPISODE 2 — THE LEAP

The girl from Two Union Square is gone.

The Capitol Hill girl is evolving.

The dot‑com girl is cashing out.

The writer is emerging.

The risk‑taker is steering.

The destiny is calling.

Defeated by a Dancing Raccoon

It’s Wednesday after a long weekend at a family reunion in Montana, and I am running on fumes and caffeine.

I’m tired.

I’m scrambling to catch up at work. Tomorrow is Jack’s last day of school before summer break.

My only goal today was to be invisible — heads down, get things done, no sudden movements.

And honestly? I needed a reset. My eating was a disaster all weekend: one giant celebratory meal a day with family… or peanuts and a Diet Coke for dinner… or nothing at all except a double Bloody Mary at the airport. I felt gross. Today was supposed to be the day I got myself back on track.

That, and run errands. Just errands. Mundane, boring, adult errands:

Drop Angus at doggy daycare
ULTA for one thing I absolutely did not need
Trader Joe’s for healthy snacks I absolutely did need
Haggen for the rest of the “I’ll deal with it later” grocery list

Leggings. Hoodie. Zero makeup — except Lipstick, with a capital L. Mood: Do Not Perceive Me.

But apparently the universe said, “Actually… we will be perceiving you today.” Because instead of blending into the wallpaper like I intended, I accidentally chose a shirt that turned me into a walking conversation starter.

A raccoon shirt. Yes. A raccoon. Mid‑twirl. Full attitude. Looking like it’s auditioning for Dancing With the Trash Can Stars.

And somehow — SOMEHOW — this shirt got compliments from men AND women at every stop.

Doggy daycare? Compliment.
ULTA? Compliment.
Trader Joe’s? Compliment.
Haggen? Compliment.

I was just trying to buy hummus and conditioner, and suddenly I’m the day’s main character. Who knew raccoons were magnetic?

So I came home, stared at my unmade bed, put the hoodie back on, and ate Tillamook Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream for dinner. Straight from the carton. Because at that point… why not.

Life Comes at You Fast ✌️

Sometimes in Montana.

Sometimes in leggings.

Sometimes in the form of a dancing raccoon who refuses to let you hide.

Grit, Glamour & the Making of a Career


I grew up privileged with educated parents. My mom was an avid reader — books were always piled up on end tables, nightstands, kitchen counters. My dad was a newspaper guy, the kind who always had a crumpled‑up paper shoved into the inside pocket of his suit jacket, ink smudged on his fingers, headlines on his mind.

 

But my version of privilege came with a twist. Law wasn’t an abstract concept in our house; it was the family business. My dad was a sole‑practitioner criminal defense attorney, the kind who never really clocked out.

 

I knew “trial prep” the way other kids knew soccer practice. Trial notebooks. Exhibits. Police reports. Witness statements. Whiteboards covered in timelines and theories. Crime scene photos. Autopsy reports. Before any one of Dad’s big trials, our dining room transformed into the war room — stacks of files, legal pads, and half‑drunk cups of coffee everywhere.

 

That was normal to me.
Consequences were normal.
High stakes were normal.

 

And underneath all of that, there was the other truth — the one my family never said out loud but always lived by. In my entire extended family, there was “before Tayshia’s accident, and after.”

 

I was three when I got hit by a car, and it became an international incident. My aunts in Canada jumped into action, handling everything while my parents stayed at the hospital for what felt like forever. I had a broken neck and brain swelling so severe they had to drill a hole in my skull to relieve the pressure — which is why, to this day, I’ve never been able to part my hair down the middle. A lifelong styling limitation courtesy of 1970s neurosurgery.

 

I wasn’t supposed to live through the night, let alone grow up to be “normal” again. Traumatic brain injuries are strange like that. My parents never mentioned it, but they must have been thinking ahead — wondering what it would mean to raise a child with a disability. And here’s the part that has stayed with me my entire life: by every medical expectation, I should have had significant brain damage. But I didn’t. The only lasting effect is a funky right eye — the wiring went sideways from the impact, but it’s manageable. It doesn’t register as a disability. It never defined me. And that miracle — that narrow escape — has always lived quietly in the background of who I became.

 

I was in the hospital for weeks — five, six, maybe more. I couldn’t tell you exactly; I was three and in a coma. Time was a little abstract for me back then.

 

Growing up, I’d overhear my mom and my aunts whispering about it in the kitchen, their voices low and careful, like the story might break if they spoke too loudly. My mom would wake up from nightmares years later. I always knew the accident had cast a long shadow, even if I didn’t fully understand it. As an adult, I don’t talk about it much. It’s a quiet truth I carry, not a headline I lead with.

 

But the accident rewired me. It sharpened my instincts, made me fearless in ways I wouldn’t understand until much later, and gave me a sixth sense I learned to trust long before I had the language for it. It shaped how I saw the world: clearly, quickly, strategically.

 

But like my mom, I was a glamour girl at heart. I liked pretty things. I was passionate about lipstick. I could build a trial notebook, but I also knew the exact shade that made me feel like I could walk into any room and own it.

 

When I was nineteen, I adopted my first cat, China Blu. He was a blue‑eyed Siamese — loud, dramatic, possessive, and smarter than most of the men I dated in my twenties. I was too young to know what I was doing but old enough to want something that was mine. China moved with me through every early apartment, every questionable life choice, every reinvention. He was the first creature I ever took care of on my own, long before I understood what responsibility really meant.

 

When it came time to choose a career, I stuck with what I knew — law — and got my paralegal certificate. Only I wanted the polished version. The upscale version. The fancy version. I wanted marble floors and skyline views. I wanted Two Union Square.

 

Two Union Square, 1990s Seattle

 

I didn’t start my career in a courtroom. I started in the engine room of one of the oldest, most respected law firms in the Pacific Northwest — a firm built on maritime law long before I was born. The kind of place corporations hired when the stakes were catastrophic and the headlines were national.

The Firm wasn’t just a workplace — it was an institution.

 

A century‑old, marble‑and‑glass monument to Seattle’s legal elite. In the early 1990s, downtown law firms were still very much old‑guard territory: hierarchical, male‑dominated, and powered by traditions that had been running uninterrupted since the 1950s.

 

Nationally, women made up less than 15% of partners in major firms — and in legacy firms like ours, the number was often closer to five percent. Leadership floors were filled almost entirely with men who had been in charge since the Reagan era. The message wasn’t spoken, but it was understood: Blend in. Don’t distract. Don’t outshine.

 

And then there was me.

 

Since high school, I’d been famous for my lipstick — unapologetically bold, unapologetically red, and applied with the confidence of someone who treated a drugstore cosmetics aisle like a personal runway. I loved hair. I loved glam. I loved being feminine.

 

Which made this world… complicated.

 

The unofficial dress code for women was: Navy suit. Neutral lip. Try not to look like you enjoy color.

 

Femininity wasn’t celebrated; it was treated like a liability. Something to be softened, muted, tucked neatly behind a blazer with huge shoulder pads, which never made sense to me. Why would I want to look like a linebacker?

 

So there I was, twenty‑three years old, walking into Two Union Square with a red lips bright enough to qualify as maritime safety equipment. I wasn’t trying to make a statement — I was just being me.

 

Even with my paralegal certificate, my first title was document clerk — operational, back‑of‑house, the girl in the war room. I swear, I touched every piece of paper before it ever saw a courtroom. I learned the case from the inside out long before I understood the politics around it.

 

I didn’t know it then, but those long days in the engine room were shaping instincts I would rely on for the rest of my career. Inside those walls, everything was sharp: the expectations, the hierarchy, the pace. The Firm was known for aggressive litigation, high‑stakes corporate clients, and a culture where you learned quickly or you didn’t last. It was the beginning of everything I thought I understood about this profession — and the beginning of realizing how much I didn’t.

 

The Culture

 

The Firm had rules — spoken, unspoken, and enforced with the kind of quiet ferocity usually reserved for cults and ballet companies. Everything mattered: how you dressed, how you walked, how you answered the phone, how long you lingered at the copier. Hierarchy wasn’t just structure — it was oxygen.

 

There was Joan, the office manager, who treated the dress code like federal law. She’d call me down to her office to check if I was wearing nylons, and if I wasn’t, she’d send me to Nordstrom like a naughty child being marched to a time‑out. She had me in her sights because I hated nylons. I was defiant; she was relentless. It was a cat‑and‑mouse game we played the entire time I worked there.

 

Then there was Nora, the paralegal I reported to — a woman who monitored my movements like she was running a minimum‑security prison. If she didn’t know exactly where I was, she’d have me paged over the loudspeaker. Nothing says “professional environment” like hearing your name echo through a marble lobby because you dared to chat by the water cooler for three minutes without filing a formal itinerary.

 

And the partners?

 

They floated through the hallways like minor royalty — all cufflinks, confidence, and secrets. The Firm was a breeding ground for affairs. Everyone knew it. Everyone pretended not to. The Christmas parties were legendary — the kind of events we were still gossiping about in April. People releasing their dignity at coat check. Someone crying in the bathroom. Someone leaving The Firm unexpectedly.

 

I was twenty‑three, but I already knew how to read a room.
And this room?
This room had secrets.

 

It was a world where appearance mattered more than reality. Where hierarchy was the currency. Where young women learned quickly how to shrink, smooth, and smile.

 

I didn’t shrink.

 

But I learned the choreography. And quietly, I was taking notes.

 

The Subculture

 

Beneath all that marble and hierarchy, there was another world — the one I actually belonged to. The subculture. The under‑30s. The engine‑room kids. The document clerks, legal coders, mailroom runners, file clerks, copy‑room escape artists — the ones who kept the place running while the grown‑ups pretended the building ran on prestige alone.

 

We were our own ecosystem.

 

We’d sneak into phone rooms to hang-out or take naps — tiny, windowless closets with big landline phones and terrible lighting, but they were private, and that was enough. We’d take long lunches downtown, wandering through Westlake like we were on break from a summer job instead of working inside one of the most powerful law firms in the Pacific Northwest.

 

Happy hours were our religion. We’d spill out of Two Union Square at 5:01 p.m. like inmates on work release, heading straight to whatever bar had the best free appetizers. We were broke, young, and convinced we were invincible.

 

Mostly, we hid from the grown‑ups.

Not literally — though sometimes, yes, literally — but emotionally. We lived in the cracks of the institution, in the spaces between the rules, in the whispered jokes by the copier and the shared eye rolls when a partner walked by with a stack of files and a crisis.

 

We were club kids on the weekends, but kept that reputation under wraps.

And honestly?

It was the best part of the whole place.

 

The First Friendships

 

Inside that subculture — the engine‑room tribe — that’s where I found my first real Seattle friendship.

 

Lisa.

 

We worked together all day, shared an office, orbited the same case, the same chaos, the same unspoken rules. We were young, overwhelmed, and pretending to be far more grown‑up than we actually were.

 

At the time, I was living with my boyfriend, and the relationship was unraveling in slow motion. I was quickly outgrowing him, my life changing with every morning bus ride into the city.

 

China tolerated him, but only in the way a cat tolerates a man who hasn’t earned his respect. He’d sit on the back of the couch and stare at him like he was waiting for him to leave — which, eventually, he did.

 

Lisa and I bonded quickly — the kind of friendship that forms when you’re both treading water in the deep end and pretending you’re fine. When my relationship finally collapsed, she was the one who said,

 

“Let’s get a place together.”

 

And just like that, we did.

 

The Queen Anne Duplex

 

Our apartment was a Queen Anne duplex — the kind of place that felt alive even when nothing was happening. We lived downstairs; two guys lived upstairs. Mark, the aspiring actor juggling a job and auditions. And Ben, the economics major who could turn any conversation into a debate.

 

We were all young.

We were all broke.

We were all trying to become something.

 

We closed down bars on Queen Anne and walked home together — drunk, loud, laughing, alive. The kind of nights that only happen when you’re twenty‑something and the world hasn’t yet told you who you’re supposed to be.

 

China ruled that duplex courtyard like a samurai, keeping it safe for his young mom.

It was a fun time.

 

And like all fun times, it didn’t last long.

 

The Parallel Life

 

While the Queen Anne life was unfolding — the late nights, the cheap wine, the upstairs‑downstairs chaos — another life was happening too. A parallel life. A creative life. And it was happening inside the same skyscraper where I spent my days.

 

Joe, the filmmaker disguised as a legal assistant, always had a camera hidden under case files.

 

Mara, the wild LA girl with a women’s studies degree and a laugh that carried down the hallway.

 

We were a creative tribe trapped inside a corporate machine — writers, filmmakers, thinkers, misfits — all assigned to the same massive case, all living double lives.

 

By day, we were part of the litigation engine.

By night, we were something else entirely.

 

The Cloud Room.

The Pink Door.

Pioneer Square bars.

 

Conversations that felt like scenes from a documentary we didn’t know we were making. I didn’t realize it then, but I was already drifting toward Los Angeles — a glam Seattle grunge girl with a camera‑ready imagination, inching toward the Hollywood sign without knowing why.

 

I was building a career by day and a creative life by night — and I wasn’t willing to choose.

 

Both were shaping me.

Both were pulling me forward.

Both were becoming the early blueprint of The Tayshia Vibe.

 

The Ending of the Duplex Era

 

Eventually, life shifted — the way it always does when you’re young and everything is temporary.

 

Lisa left the firm.

Mark moved to New York.

Ben drifted into a new crowd.

The duplex dissolved as quickly as it had formed.

 

China was already showing signs of the chaos he would later unleash — the attitude, the territorial swagger, the “I will pee on your door if you cross me” energy. I should’ve known then that he’d eventually get us evicted from an entire building.

 

It was foreshadowing. I just didn’t know it yet.

 

And suddenly, I was standing at the edge of a new chapter — alone, but ready. I didn’t know it then, but I was already becoming the woman who would build a career, move to LA, and eventually create The Tayshia Vibe.

 

But back then? I was just trying to keep my nylons from running.

 

::Fade to black::

 

Captain Jack and the Rope

We were out on a long dock when Jack spotted a guy by himself on a big patio boat. Without warning, Jack took off down the dock with purpose. I wasn’t sure what he was doing as I hurried behind him, but he clearly had a mission.

The guy pulled up next to the dock, and before I could catch up, Jack yelled,

“Throw me a rope!”

The man blinked, startled.

“Really, dude? You want to help?”

I’m not going to lie — the guy had an intimidating look. Tough, street‑hardened — he gave me pause. Not just as a mom, but as a woman.

Jack, however, saw none of that. He saw someone who needed help.

He caught the rope cleanly, and the man started giving him instructions. It all happened so fast — a couple of pulls, a loop, a tie — and suddenly the boat was secured. We were already walking away when I heard the man yelling behind us, running down the dock.

“Wait! Wait! Thank you so much for helping me — I really appreciate it!”

He had rummaged around his boat and came back holding out a captain’s hat, like it was treasure.

This world feels so ugly at times that I cherish moments like this. Jack didn’t see a stereotype. He didn’t see danger. He saw a guy who needed help parking his boat — so he tracked him, prepared himself, and stepped in.

The man was genuinely grateful. Jack was genuinely proud.

And I was reminded — again — don’t judge a book by its cover.